the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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