Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
