alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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