I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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