smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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