Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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