she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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