I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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