are you still at the devil's house?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
