What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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