if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize