I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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