you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
