i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
