Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
