we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
