took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize