i was rollin on her like bob the builder
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
