careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i think i just lost a toe
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
