just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
