I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
