it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize