i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
