My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
