The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
