I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
