So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
