I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
