it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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