Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize