Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
