You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
