I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
