I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
