Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
