I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
