Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize