Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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