Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Mom said you looked used
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
