new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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