Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I see more hoeing in ur future
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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