this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
