I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
