I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
