party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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