I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Your mouth is God's brothel.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
