3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
