if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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