your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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