are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
