dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
