Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
