He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
