you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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