there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
