the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
