Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
