It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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