I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize