i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You made out with two different species that night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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