I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize