The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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