you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
