$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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