So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize