I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
