So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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