Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
