look no pants
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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