I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
