Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
