Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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