Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
