He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
