yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
