I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is my gift to your gina
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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