I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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