and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize