Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
