Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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