Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
