did you get engaged???
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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