once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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