All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
