nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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