Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
