I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
