Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
