is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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