Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
