Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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