what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
