I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
