then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
