I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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