drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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